AFTER SCHOOL, EVENINGS AND BEDTIME

During middle childhood, children need adult supervision. After school the presence of an adult will provide them with safety, structure, support and a sense of well-being. While some parents have their children return each afternoon to an empty home, these "latchkey" kids are more susceptible to misbehavior, risk-taking and anxiety.

For this age group, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that a child come home to a parent, other adult or a responsible adolescent.

Particularly for younger children in the middle years, an after-school schedule is also useful, although every minute does not need to be planned. The routine should include a snack, exercise, relaxation, and study, in whatever order works best for your child. In general, after six to eight hours of school, children need time for active play, both to invigorate themselves so they are better able to complete the tasks before them and to help them stay fit. Watching television or playing computer games is not a good substitute for this active play.

Nonetheless, some youngsters try to complete as much of their homework as possible before dinner; TV watching and other pleasurable activities wait until later. Most children, however, go outside for some play and exercise after coming home, saving the homework until later, perhaps after sunset when playing outdoors is impractical.

Evenings

Dinner should be an important time for your family. As often as possible, all family members should eat together at the dinner table, without the distraction of television or radio. In many families, in fact, this is the only time of day when the whole family is together.

During dinner the family can share the day's activities and participate in enjoyable conversation. Everyone should be encouraged to take part, and negative comments and criticism should be discouraged.

It is important for children to participate in the preparation and clean-up of dinner. In middle childhood, they are capable of taking on a regular chore such as preparing part of the meal, setting the table, helping to serve, clearing the table or rinsing the dishes. When they help in this way, it will increase their awareness of the importance of dinnertime and raise their level of investment in making dinner a good family experience.

If the entire family is unable to eat dinner at the same time - perhaps because Dad or Mom gets home late from work - try to schedule another time during the evening when the family can congregate for even 20 or 30 minutes of discussion, reading aloud or playing games. Many parents have discovered that this is a wise investment of time during the middle years of childhood. Not only is this a period to enjoy your children - while they are still young - but if you have a strong history of sharing good times with your youngsters, you will probably find it easier to make a difference in their lives during adolescence, when problems might arise and need resolving. At that time your relationship will already have become strong and important to both of you, and that strength can help carry you through tough experiences.

During the evening your children will need to finish their dinner-related tasks, perform their other chores (such as emptying the garbage or putting things away) and complete their homework assignments. Once these are done, they can relax by reading, having a conversation, playing games or watching television. These should be seen as earned privileges and rewards rather than inalienable rights. If a child fails to finish her chores, she should forfeit some of her free-time leisure activities.

Bedtime

After leisure time, most youngsters are expected to take a bath and get ready for bed. On school nights children need a regular time to go to sleep. Lights can go out at different times for different children in the family, depending on how much sleep each youngster needs; some children in the middle years need 10 hours a night, while others function fine the next day on just eight hours. When deciding what time your child needs to go to bed, pay attention to how she functions the next day; if she is groggy and struggles through the morning and afternoon, then she needs an earlier bedtime.

Nighttime rituals can help ease a youngster to sleep, as well as promote intimacy between parents and children. These rituals can include storytelling, reading aloud, conversation and songs. Try to avoid exciting play and activities before bedtime. Your child might enjoy reading in bed for 30 minutes before the lights are turned off. Or she might like to listen to the radio for a few minutes in bed just before falling asleep.

A few minutes of conversation at bedtime affords a good opportunity to resolve any persisting conflicts, putting them to rest so the child has a peaceful night and the conflicts don't continue into the following day. For instance, if you had an argument earlier in the evening, or there were some hassles related to homework, neither of you should take these conflicts to sleep. Say something like, "I know we had an argument. Let's put it to rest and start tomorrow fresh. I was unhappy with your behavior, but it's over now. I love you very much."

Before you turn out the lights, kiss your child good-night. This will reinforce her sense of being loved.